i hate hate hate hate
are playing dress up games
and we want to print this picture
so i'm posting it to a blog
so we can.
Click to Play!
a blogthings quiz once said
i was all of the things
i wished i was;
all of the things i admire.
philosophical
sensitive
fiery
eccentric
and intuitive
i'd love to be just one of those things.
but the fact that i covet
keeps me farther from them then if i didn't.
there's something commemorative about smokey the bear.
there's like, a tangible substance of him;
a mixture of 8 year old sunscreen, rusted key chains, and boy scout days
when my bangs were crooked
and i was missing teeth between swollen cheeks
as red as the blood that stained my flower patterned capris
every single time
i picked open a scab
or scratched a bug bite so much
the flesh broke open and sponged through the fibers of baby's breath on my knee.
he's lime green and i can see him
but otherwise
I'm colorblind
grasping at tacky buttons amidst beige hues
and cutting paths with plastic swords that used to morph
between little compartments of my overactive simplistic mind
in to something pure;
something sound;
something legitimate
something so wholesome
i could run forever in fields of Velcro
or Acaena Burrs
without ever stopping to even begin
to catch my breath
or my smile
or the feeling
that i was complete.
i remember a beautiful boy i see ever day
and it's such a wonder
to observe the compartment in me open up
and spew human nature
that i fight with pitchforks
and angry tears
only to be left
caring
but is it really me that wishes
to carve marble in to figures like you?
is it really me,
that craves the vessels in your skin
to burst in to bruises under bits of your flesh
that I've clung to for their beauty?
or is it simply Pandora again
opening her box
and spilling in my hair
oils of oceans from the beginning of time
that seep in to my skull
and leave me longing just to capture your presence?
its become a habit of mine
to pick up a leaf every day
when I'm walking up the hill each afternoon after I get off of the bus.
i know it's winter now
but there are still some really incredible looking leaves out there.
leaves you'd never imagine.
normally when you think of pretty leaves, you think
reds, and yellows, and greens
the typical kinds
but i keep finding these really amazing ones
that are black and red,
and monochromatic tints of tye-dyed green
like somebody spilled water color on to a paper towl and let it sit for a few days
seeping whichever way it happens to seep
until i walk by and see it.
it's rediculous, i know
but I can't walk by one of these leafs without picking them up.
every time i try
i get really sad
and feel awful about myself
for just walking away from something so lovely.
there's always a part of me
that wants to pick it up
and take it home to show someone
even though
most of the time,
no one really cares
and the color fades within a few days of being inside.
the truth of the matter is though,
i usually pick it up anyone
just incase i run in to somebody
who'll see it as amazing as i do
i think charlie brown isn't the charlie brownest
i think
there are lots of folks
just as charlie brownie as he
if not
even more charlie brownie.
i remember when i'd get letters in the mail from Santa Claus.
I know I keep comming back to it
but i believed in Santa Clause.
I believed in him without ever even considering, or even noticing that some people didn't.
I believed in him like some people believe in Jesus.
Because my parents told me he was real.
And he seemed
like something good
that needed to be real.
it wasn't a matter of leaning more towards his existence than his non-existence.
it was a complete and total utter lack of doubt
that he did
Our Christmas tree isn't up yet
because i'm the only one
who really cares about it.
we look like Jehova's witness's in here.
and i think that's a shame.
i know a girl
who's parents really are Jehova's witness's and I think it's so sad
because the poor little thing
has never even had a birthday cake.
i think people need to celebrate things.
and they need cutesy little get togethor's to help them focus
on ignoring the vastness of existence
because most people can't handle that
even though
to me it's even more sad that they can't.
i think for her birthday
i'll bring her a birthday cake to school
and sing to her
and make her wear a party heart.
that way
she'll get a little extra something out of one day of her life
You are a deep ocean and just as violent. You are emotional and thoughtful, artistic and musical. Even if you don't draw or play and instrument, art and music play a big part in your life. You are talented and creative. You are philosophical and poetic. Soemtimes that means you create a piece of art or poetry, and sometimes it means you have a new idea or a new way of approaching something. You are always an original. You underestimate yourself and are sensitive. You put others before yourself. You feel their pain. When someone has a problem, they come to you. Not to solve it, but to cry with them. You are analytical and conscientious. Even with all this analysis you are idealistic. You appreciate beauty. You see things others miss, and can feel a problem coming like a chill before the rain. You are orderly and organized and strive for perfection in everything you do. You value things, people, resources. You are very focused on the details. You make friends cautiously and the friends you have are few and very close to you. You are very faithful and devoted. You value loyalty and can become resentful if betrayed. You seek out special people who see your depth and beauty and they travel with you for long friendships. You have a deep concern for other people and will listen to their complaints. People rely on you. Introvert: The Resident Genius.
but it's not
because i want it to be.
