i noticed today that i can't stay very angry with anybody for any legitimate amount of time, no matter what it is they do. i can't 100% dislike anybody. on the other hand though i feel like there are VERY few people i can actually like enough to deal with them very often either. what really troubles me about that fact is that i don't care. i don't even wish i had more friends. i have like, 3 friends, including my boyfriend, and i really don't think i could add another. it seems to me like my eloquence is absolutely gone anymore. i don't know how to form sentences that sound complete at this point in my life, and it's really rather disheartening because there was a time during the almost 18 year life span in my existence that i could do so quite easily. in any case that isn't the point. today, i've been thinking about a lot of people from my past, people that i claim to have hated, even as recently as a day or two ago but i realize when i stop and really start to think about it that all the people i dislike

i actually really like quite a bit in some way or another.

and it makes me want to laugh a little bit.

a lot of the time, i really am just jealous of people.

i'm honestly, pretty much jealous of everyone if i'm honest with myself.

i get mad when people challenge me

or remind me that i'm stupid and not profound at all.

i have pride issues and standards i hold myself too, not so i can make anybody else happy

but so i can make myself happy.

and i never know if im actually meeting those standards or not or just telling myself incorrectly that i am.

that's one of my biggest struggles in life.

i tried to keep everything in perspective

that's why i never insist that im right or that someone else is wrong.

because depending on the way you look at things

and where you're looking from the view is different

and in the end both of you are right.

i can't have hard feelings towards anyone.

everyone feels that their feelings are justified and sensible or else they wouldn't have them.

i need to stop trying to please everyone by saying what i think they want to hear.

it's a cop-out and i can be bigger than that.