Von. Negut

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be"




there's something really beautiful about how debilitated my neighborhood looks and is.
all i want to do is take pictures of everything anymore
but when i do i end up getting really angry because pictures make everything look so teensy and close together
even though when you're looking at them with your eyes
it all looks so expansive,
and enveloping.

there's something's significant about where you're standing.
it has a lot to do with how things look as lovely as they do.

and if you can't see
peripherally
all the seemingly not so important other things around you
that actually added to the image without you realizing it,
the picture doesn't look the same, and you end up throwing the camera at the ground
even though it isn't yours
and if you destroy it you'll have to pay 500 dollars.

images have atmospheres
and i like it when i take a picture
and manage to capture it.

i'm walking up the hill right now, and it's so hot
but things couldn't be more interesting.
i'm afraid of the people in their trucks that call out to me, and honk their horn
but not as afraid as I'd be if I hadn't always lived here.

i keep thinking about how i wonder if it's March 31st
or April 1st.
I don't even know how many days March has.
That's the real problem.

I wonder if I would ask someone
and they'd tell me
"it's the 31st"
only to turn around and laugh at me hysterically before dropping their charade
to tell me in sordid tones "April fools" , before slumping their shoulders so far forward
they disappear within them
leaving me to wonder why
April Fools even exists at all.

Most people get so caught up in being alive
they forget all about it.
Wouldn't it be great if we did that for every Holiday?

I just looked at the date in the corner of the screen.
It's march 31st.

I want to explain what I feel a lot
but i don't think we have a very developed vocabulary/developed understanding of our silly little selves
to have created the means to do so.

have you ever been
so taken with a situation
that's just so fucking precious
it makes you want to cry?
you're happy, and feel amazed, and sentimental towards it
but at the same exact time,
you've never felt more empty in your entire life.

i'm so glad people kiss each other.
it's such a strange thing to do
but it makes us feel good.
if everyone would be infatuated with everyone else
we'd be the happiest, stupidest, most pathetic animals in existence.

then again,
who's to say that we already aren't?




"My god! -- 'life!'... Who can understand even one little minute of it? 'Don't try' he said 'just pretend you understand.'"