the insides

of my nostrils
will permanently smell like stomach acid.
5 years ago i said it would only be a one time thing...

i really think you ought to go away now.
I'm happy and i don't need you anymore.
why am i so afraid?
why am i so terrified of everything?
of being and believing?

I'm tired of occupied Wednesday nights,
and telling people I'm not allowed to do anything
because I'm too embarrassed to be in public.
I'm tired of pretending it isn't there
and I'm tired of it always getting in my way when I'm trying to have a good time like a normal person.
I'm tired of it being a part of my life.
And I have been forever
I just really don't know how to stop.