An utter sap as of lately.
Which reminds me
sap is so pretty in my head.
It appears to me kind of like honey
dripping off of a tree branch,
the sun illuiminating it from behind.
My writing is so boring.
I mean I could make it interesting.
But I'm hesitant too, because I'm afraid it'll make me shallow.
I know that doesn't make sense to any body but me.
(Note: SO HOW BOUT I FOUND THIS PICTURE AFTER MY COMMENT ABOUT WHAT I THINK OF WHEN I THINK OF SAP!)
In any case I've been too worried about ideals and things lately. Too critical. I really need to stop. I preach perspective, and therefore, I should not find it so necessary to want others to see things from mine. I guess that's just human nature too, but this human nature garbage is really taking the piss outta me lately. Plus, the fact alone, that it's taking the piss out of me, also takes the piss out of me.
I mean, I should really be doing my work here. Some financial literacy module
. But I'm not, because I'm lazy
and it's boring
and dull
and it means nothing to me
so I'm probably gonna fall behind.
Anyways, lately, I've really been thinking about what makes me happy. I mean, I always am, and I always know, it's just, I don't know what to do when laying in a big empty field, or walking alone by a river isn't an option. How do I stay happy? How do I stayed fulfilled?
Do I use , human engineered pleasures? Does it make me shallow if I can enjoy them? I mean, I like old pretty necklaces, and black cowboy boots, and 15th century candle aubras, but sometimes, I feel really bad about it. I try to justify it, beause back then, people were just making things because they were beautiful, and nothing was as selfish as it is now, but i always find myself wondering, if people back then weren't just the same as we are today. I mean, the world isn't bad. And people aren't bad. It's just that everybody is terribly concerned with their own best interest anymore, and no one stops to consider if they're hurting somebody's feelings, or what their actiosn might mean to others.
I don't know.
I guess what I was trying to get at is, I think it;s almost a little disrespectful to the amazing world around us, that we want more and more entertainment devices, and that no one takes the time to appreciates the fact that by some twist of chance, we became organisms, able to be aware, at least to an extent, of what it is that surrounds us.
It goes back to the same thing all the time though: human nature. self sustainability. we really are animals. And I don't say that in a bad way. I say it in honesty.
In my mind, everything is just a bunch of dots. Everything existing.
And we have a few a means in which to interpret the formation of these dots; with our eyes, ears, and noses. But of course, there could be so much missing. And if miracles exist, that we're even able to begin to comprehend any of these little dots, has to be one.
We have names for things.
But it's like recognizing something for the picture it makes up
and calling it a name
and becomming familiar with it
until you're used to it.
But I don't think we should ever get used to it.
Then again though
that's just my perspective. My opinion.
Based on logic I suppose.
Which is good for absolutley nothing in the way of philosophy.
My head hurts, and I'm really pissing myself off with this.
Because I'm contradicting myself, and I sound pretentious, and nothing that I'm writing is sounding pretty, and I have to go Career next block, and I never know what I'm supposed to think, and I'm sick of trying to impress myself, and trying too hard, and never knowing, and being unable to cling on to an idea, or break past the depths I've already reached with them.
I'm fucking stupid.
I'm a dumb
fucking
asshole.
Is it wrong
that it would make me happy
to just have a sweet boy?
Am I pathetic, and cliche for that?
I never cared before
and it's not like I need it
but lately, all I want is
is someone I can actually care about.
I mean of course I have my family.
And in truth, yes I love everybody.
But I want someone with a beautiful mind
and a beautiful face,
with freckles, and dimples
and pretty eyes.
and strong hands,
and brown hair
and slender arms
and a gorgeous smile
and a perfect jaw.
Im so fucking pathetic, I can't even take it.
Which reminds me
sap is so pretty in my head.
It appears to me kind of like honey
dripping off of a tree branch,
the sun illuiminating it from behind.
My writing is so boring.
I mean I could make it interesting.
But I'm hesitant too, because I'm afraid it'll make me shallow.
I know that doesn't make sense to any body but me.
(Note: SO HOW BOUT I FOUND THIS PICTURE AFTER MY COMMENT ABOUT WHAT I THINK OF WHEN I THINK OF SAP!)
In any case I've been too worried about ideals and things lately. Too critical. I really need to stop. I preach perspective, and therefore, I should not find it so necessary to want others to see things from mine. I guess that's just human nature too, but this human nature garbage is really taking the piss outta me lately. Plus, the fact alone, that it's taking the piss out of me, also takes the piss out of me.
I mean, I should really be doing my work here. Some financial literacy module
. But I'm not, because I'm lazy
and it's boring
and dull
and it means nothing to me
so I'm probably gonna fall behind.
Anyways, lately, I've really been thinking about what makes me happy. I mean, I always am, and I always know, it's just, I don't know what to do when laying in a big empty field, or walking alone by a river isn't an option. How do I stay happy? How do I stayed fulfilled?
Do I use , human engineered pleasures? Does it make me shallow if I can enjoy them? I mean, I like old pretty necklaces, and black cowboy boots, and 15th century candle aubras, but sometimes, I feel really bad about it. I try to justify it, beause back then, people were just making things because they were beautiful, and nothing was as selfish as it is now, but i always find myself wondering, if people back then weren't just the same as we are today. I mean, the world isn't bad. And people aren't bad. It's just that everybody is terribly concerned with their own best interest anymore, and no one stops to consider if they're hurting somebody's feelings, or what their actiosn might mean to others.
I don't know.
I guess what I was trying to get at is, I think it;s almost a little disrespectful to the amazing world around us, that we want more and more entertainment devices, and that no one takes the time to appreciates the fact that by some twist of chance, we became organisms, able to be aware, at least to an extent, of what it is that surrounds us.
It goes back to the same thing all the time though: human nature. self sustainability. we really are animals. And I don't say that in a bad way. I say it in honesty.
In my mind, everything is just a bunch of dots. Everything existing.
And we have a few a means in which to interpret the formation of these dots; with our eyes, ears, and noses. But of course, there could be so much missing. And if miracles exist, that we're even able to begin to comprehend any of these little dots, has to be one.
We have names for things.
But it's like recognizing something for the picture it makes up
and calling it a name
and becomming familiar with it
until you're used to it.
But I don't think we should ever get used to it.
Then again though
that's just my perspective. My opinion.
Based on logic I suppose.
Which is good for absolutley nothing in the way of philosophy.
My head hurts, and I'm really pissing myself off with this.
Because I'm contradicting myself, and I sound pretentious, and nothing that I'm writing is sounding pretty, and I have to go Career next block, and I never know what I'm supposed to think, and I'm sick of trying to impress myself, and trying too hard, and never knowing, and being unable to cling on to an idea, or break past the depths I've already reached with them.
I'm fucking stupid.
I'm a dumb
fucking
asshole.
Is it wrong
that it would make me happy
to just have a sweet boy?
Am I pathetic, and cliche for that?
I never cared before
and it's not like I need it
but lately, all I want is
is someone I can actually care about.
I mean of course I have my family.
And in truth, yes I love everybody.
But I want someone with a beautiful mind
and a beautiful face,
with freckles, and dimples
and pretty eyes.
and strong hands,
and brown hair
and slender arms
and a gorgeous smile
and a perfect jaw.
Im so fucking pathetic, I can't even take it.
1 comments:
Miranda fucking Essel, dude you put yourself down too much. If I were a goddamn man you would be my wife. okay?! seriously, you're gorgeous you asshole! D:
oh btw. where do you get all of your AMAZING pictures?
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