For the first time

the lies didn't fall between the drying, bloody cracks in your lips.
You told me,
and it hit me like a bulls eye, so for a moment,
all I did was stare in to some bright concoction of burning gas, not quite a galaxy away.
They said you shouldn't be there
to hear my uncensored lyrical profanities
but I did it for you
so you were no longer misguided
yet in the end you cast a shadow of sorrow on my body
immersing me in guilt
already thick enough to immobilize me.

i pulled the soot from ever corner of my body
scraping with a nail at my bones, and underneath my skin
to clean the lies away
and I placed them in a Dixie Cup, for you to analyze,
thinking maybe
you could possibly handle it.

thinking maybe
you didn't have a choice.

but i broke you a little bit more.
because as time goes on
you can't hold your charge
and now
i'm covered in black wool
and there's puke in your mouth
so you can scrape off a part of your cheek and examine it under a microscope
to see if somehow you passed
that little bit of blackened wool to me
that seems to be destroying me.

manic?
lithium?
i never knew those words were even in your vocabulary.
and i saw you die a little bit,
slouch down a little bit,
lose your color a little bit,
close your eyes a little bit
as they evaporated from your head, and rained down in my atmosphere.
i'm sorry you're so sorrowful.
and i'm sorry that it's all my fault.