lately
i keep getting this incredible feeling that courses throughout my body.
it's the most awful thing I've ever experienced in my entire life
and it makes me feel like
everything's gonna get fucked over.

more accurately
it makes me feel like I'm gonna get fucked over

i'm waiting for my parents to hate me
and lose all of their respect for me.

I'm waiting for them to be disgusted and disappointed with me
because I'm trash
and everyone else
will realize how much of a piece of shit i really am.

and they'll start thinking
"that bitch is so self conscious, its annoying"
and i'll push them to hate me because of my paranoia

that i have done something wrong;
that i have morally done something unhinging to the universe.

why does it feel like i've done something wrong all the time?
i swear, it wouldn't be so bad if i could just figure out what it is i'm feeling so
terrified of being found out.

what don't i want you to find out?
what will it mean if you do?