my father

Asked me why and i said because i'm empty-

Gutted like a jack-o-lantern face carved out,

And i'm rotting in to mucus

After once,

i made them smile

a long forgotten poster child for humor,

and mindless kids before they’re stupid teenagers

Resenting the very ground they walk on

noses in the air

Smoking cigarettes because they’re so apathetic

and embarking on a journey of unfulfilling indentured servitude.

Insights are all garbage

Or all treasures

Depending on who you are and what it means relative to you.

I claim to understand the way I work, and I do.

It’s been partially bread in to me;

And it’s partially innate.

But I can’t help but feel like there are vast minds out there

That understand

And never get caught up thinking about anything because they sense that it’s vastness is beyond them.

Yet they understand something else too.

They understand that they don’t have to be so naïve.

They don’t have to look at things with or even know the idea of “importance”.

They know and can feel every fucking unimaginable aspect of a strange…

“phenomena” I guess we’d call it.

This phenomena we look at as real or unreal as if we have the right to invent such a word.

How dare I ever allow myself to feel sorrow?

What is jading me, and making me feel like there’s a screen I can’t see that

If I could only grab a hold of and pull

I could be filled and burst with indescribable enlightenment and bliss-

Wordless understanding that would leave me crying in relief after all the years of straining to reach the screen, in agony in the unbearable weight of a human body, human mind, and human instinct.

Existing in a different yet identical dimension, blind in the old one,

And filled with unintelligible awe in the new.

Awe- The word doesn’t do it justice.

I would be true form there. I would have no emotions because I would cease to be a “me” as I’m enveloped in wholeness and an emptiness and a quiet, comforting, glowing, sleepy existence.

I’mfuckingnuts.

I wish

I could WANT to care about something even.

I don’t care. I don’t care that I don’t care. Not going to do any school work. Won’t participate in civilization. Don’t want money. Won’t have a job. Don’t want one. Won’t believe in governments anywhere. I’ll see everything for what it looks like. I’ll harness the hardness of the savage and keep my “intellect”, like Thorough says. Need to run away. Want too so bad. Don’t want anyone to know me/know of me. Don’t want to know anyone. Don’t want anyone to care for me. Don’t want anyone to have the power of putting anyone at ease or in fear. Don’t want to have the responsibility of effecting anything. Can’t handle it. Want to cry and stop moving. Want everyone to leave me to be my own person in a separate existence from society “reality”. Need to get away from everybody and everything and feel something that doesn’t feel like it’s trying to convince me of anything or nothing.

oh my godohmygodohmygodohmygod

i'm so sorry.
i'm so sorry.
i'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorryi'msosorry.
i don't know how to stop.
please don't hate me for this.
please don't hate me.
i don't know what i'm doing.
i don't dictate my actions.
i can't even hear myself think anymore.
and every idea that manifests in my head isn't rational.
oh my god
i'm so sorry.
i'm so sorry.
i'm so sorry.

wouldwermz

Zimoun : 25 woodworms, wood, microphone, sound system, 2009 from ZIMOUN VIDEO ARCHIVE on Vimeo.

i hate how i like the stupidest things.

i want to dress

like this

"Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important, said Carl Jung.

The interesting thing is why we're so desperate for this anesthetic against loneliness, said David Foster Wallace.

We're all in this alone, said Lily Tomlin."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLk3fPeQuD8&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtRwgwX1Q5k&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBWME4_lx8w&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PSbUl_68k&feature=player_embedded

http://www.todayandtomorrow.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/maurizio_anzeri_6.jpg

http://www.jonesfife.com/storage/1001-bait-02.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1263274268790

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBtbicJpFrRwu41RiQBfSJ5A1-WBwt2Bhemldlq1U9osKNJSP5HJI0AzEcv8uDehGse_qsApHdpBKWi_9lVTVmfqC42T5RbqzPg46hbRjlmAXzqNZnePgoa-PrG4OqQoQ4srlaI3LVwb2g/s1600/hill02.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_XAuDH_1YqBwIsFVTNkg_jd6LHqryNgT-M_x1nu8ud5WnDpYGTirBkjiutm4HaOunndx53G8BI2hRPCKQtLutwiokKiganVZQzbZvMJ15Y6ULviUObimh4mYryrYQVAH94MHX7N1GpNf/s1600/hill01.jpg

i don't have a problem with anybody but myself.
i can't judge anyone but myself.
i justify things for everybody but myself.
i haven't touched a hair on my today, except when I was pulling some out to look at the roots and it looks like i'm a savage.

i wished it looked like this every day.
i never brush my hair
but normally i touch it.

i'm such a joke.
i don't even know why i have this stupid thing because it makes me feel as disturbed
as if i were sitting here thinking of bad smells,
bits of cut off labia being chewed up by a little dog, while someone sat in the corner, getting off to it.

there- shrouded underneath clouds that rained mercury
solidifying on our skin like melted plastic now fused with you're former finger prints

they'll never find that pattern again unless they turn over that snail
and see the outlines of your loops and whirls
left before that moment
raw lipped
when you puked all over that ugly dress.

it was new, and kids were still joking about Hitler
or pretending to love him, whichever was cooler
and i was there thinking about quantum physics on Easter
and fucking with Jesus-

because he compelled me.

Cardinal sinner of the damned radiation wrought city in Ukraine
is it Chernobyle, or Chew no bile?
Either way I caused that chain reaction
with my insane reaction
no i can't do fractions
and i'm rhyming just to piss off little Randy in my crotch
i don't care, because i'm leaving
and if you think that you've seen Saturn, wait another 20 years
get back to me in Morse code
not a fucking MP3,

oh jesus christ, i meant a tape, the one's you hear, not only see.

and mack, if you could, would you tell Stella
that she's lovely?
and I'd love
to jam my member in her member?-
in her brain i mean not
pussy cat's are swell i like mine best.

Humanoid Thoughts

"I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well. Unfortunately, I am confined to this theme by the narrowness of my experience."

Petty.

What i'm thinking about
i'm thinking about
because today
in the hallway at lunch time
when i was sleeping on floor, outside of the cafeteria,
i had an encounter that made me start to ponder.

and i got to really thinking
that unless i'm sure it's going to entail what i want
i never want to be with anyone ever again.

i wish i had a pal i could develop a ritual with.
we'd meet up,
light up,
shut up,
stare up,
smile at each other,
understand and feel good
but never need each other
and we'd walk away.

i don't want some schmuck calling me every day
with nothing to say
bugging the hell out of me.
i don't need someone to fucking text me
"I love you baby <3".

What I want is impossible.
I want someone I actually like talking too.
Someone who actually has interesting ideas and a mind with depth and opinions and thoughts about things regarding the abstract world of pondering.
Someone who doesn't take anything serious with me.
Someone who laughs with me, and doesn't feed in to garbage the world feeds them about how I should act as a lady.

I want to be able to be talking to someone,
for some show to come on the Science Channel,
and to be able to be like
"Hey, I'm gonna go. I want to watch TV"
Or even on a day that I just don't feel like chatting I want to be able to say "Hey I don't feel like chatting." and for them to know that being in the mood to talk has nothing to do with how much i like them.
I need someone that doesn't need a damn thing
because I don't have anything to give.

All I have to give is my word that I won't fuck around with other people.
And in return I want it back.
You don't have to call me daily, I don't have to call you.
I want to just be magically mentally close with someone,
because I want someone to look at me when i'm looking at them thinking the same thing: "she's thinking what i'm thinking" because there's no way i could ever explain it to anyone in order to test the entire world's population out.

i want to be with someone and to have two separate lives.
to stay my own person.
to not have to walk on fucking egg shells.
to not have to have chats about our relationship.
to just be ourselves with the promise that neither of us will do anything with anyone else
and i fucking...
oh my god
i want to want to talk to somebody.
i want too so badly.
it's in my nature. i can't help it.

this is petty.
but im not worried about it.
because nothing seems to worry me anymore.
i just want to laugh some more.
i like it so much.
someone come laugh with me.

look how many Galaxies there are in just one little square that Hubble was pointing at: I'm going to watch a lot of documentaries tonight. I wrote Valentines out for everyone in my class today, but I didn't give out like 4 of them because a couple people wouldn't take them. It really hurt my feelings. Which is embarrassing, because I like to pretend I'm above that sometimes, but it really got me down because I personalized all of them individually with little messages for every person in particular.

hahahahaha

bitchmoanbitchmoanbitchmoanpooruspoorhumanspoorpeoplewahwahwahblahblahblah.

<3

FOLKS THAT FEEL LIKE THEY WANT OR NEED INFATUATION OR A
RELATIONSHIP

ARE JOKING THEMSELVES.

AND THEY REALLY REALLY MAKE ME FUCKING LAUGH.
HAPPINESS BELONGS TO THE FUCKING SELF SUFFICIENT.

i've been thinking about this so much.

i was sitting there, next to debbie downer.
i told her about herself, and she smiled before apologizing for being so depressed.
i replied after giggling, and told her that she wasn't depressing, because the fact of the matter was, that she wasn't.
what she was was whiny,
like a little kid that isn't satisfied with the box of cookies the significant old person in their life is going to buy them,
but insists on having a Kit Kat bar in addition.
I told her that too.
But then I wished I hadn't, because who I am to judge her? Nobody? Somebody?

I'm ok with it now though.
Because I've realized that although a lot of people talk about "judgmental folks" in a negative light
it's part of human nature.
Judgment basically leads back
to the primal instinct to look at something and interpret it by taking in information about it
such as it's purposes
and deciding if it's existence will help or hinder our existence.

I was asked on Wednesday why I brought human nature up so frequently.
And the reason is, because as far as I can interpret with my human mind,
which really may or may not mean much
Human nature is the driving force for every single solitary action, and thought in existence.

Of course it's complicated for a human brain to handle.
And i run in to contradictions that I haven't thought through yet.
But if you'd allow me to explain myself, I'd be happy too.

I'm so fucking uncomfortable. I don't want to sit here, or be alive, because I don't appreciate my fucking mind.
All i do is run in circles.
And I'm left with no conclusions
because what the fuck can i use to conclude? WHAT THE FUCK DO I USE?
my brain
and of course my brain is going to imply to me that i'm important and that i should trust it
and i'm sure it can be trusted with a lot of things that have to do with the tangible task of self sustenance.
but why should i fucking assume that it's good for anything past that?
why should i assume that it's not.
i don't have a conclusion.
and that's not a conclusion.

I’m sick of everybody listening to the noise in their head and not realizing that it’s just fucking ruckus that’s there for no goddamn reason. The reason we’re fucking driven to self sustain and therefore, have things in life be easy, could be the same exact mother fucking reason virus’s are by nature programmed to sustain. The reason anybody wants to be interesting, or unique, is so that they don’t feel like they’re not important. Don’t fucking lie, you want to feel important. You want to feel pompous and fucking proud of yourself. You want everyone to suck your motherfucking dick. And because even if you don’t want to be alive, you want to WANT to be alive. You want to want to be happy. BECAUSE ITS BORN IN TO YOU.

I’ll sit around and act like I’m fucking tough; sure. And the fact of the matter is, the more I realize that all of my feelings and emotions aren’t serious to anyone but me BECAUSE I’m me, and BECAUSE it’s in my nature, the more I’m starting to realize that to decide that anything is important is pointless, and to decide that anything is pointless is pointless, and that all I’ll ever be good for is contradicting myself.

WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A BEGINNING?

WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE AN END?

WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE AN EXPLANATION?
WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO MAKE SENSE?
BECAUSE WE WERE BORN IN TO BODIES, THAT, IN ORDER TO KEEP UP SUSTAINED, TOLD US TO SEEK ALL THAT SHIT OUT.

I don’t want any friends. I like the idea of people so much. The idea of naïve sweet precious creatures. I don’t fucking believe in evil because the idea of evil implies that there is a good, and a bad, and there’s not a definitive good and bad. Nothing makes sense and it doesn’t have too. I don’t want it too. I don’t want to see anybody, or know anybody, I just want to sit around, and smoke cigarettes, and remember times when people around me weren’t so impressed by themselves to a point where they hated themselves for not being impressive enough.

I don’t want to be anything. I want to be a nobody. I don’t want to belong to a world, I don’t want to be ruled by rules of humanity, but I am, so I have to deal with it.

I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. You’re so stupid. We’re so stupid. Stupid doesn’t even fucking exist. That’s not true.

There are no conclusions.
that's not a conclusion.
againg.
just saying.


IM TIRED OF PEOPLE TRYING TO PROVE THAT THEY AREN'T TRYING TO PROVE ANYTHING.

after this

i wont have 69 posts anymore.
bummer.

it's so strange to be ignored by someone you used to know. the internet is such a silly thing because if you ever talk to anybody on there, you feel like you know them, and i mean, you may or you may not
but it's sort of the same in real life
people just don't realize it as much.

i wouldn't care if it wasn't in my nature.
i just have to keep telling myself that.
to remind myself not to take it seriously.
to remind myself that i don't know if it should be taken seriously
and in cases like that
i generally choose to get my hopes down rather than up, so as not to be taken for a fool, just in case.

a couple of days ago, when we didn't have power
i was talking to my dad
and he was mocking my idea
my idea
about what i really genuinely want with my life.

i told him i wanted to move somewhere really warm
and shitty
you know, like Guatemala, where there are stupid cliche looking vivid yellow brick buildings
and lean against a wall,
smoking a pipe,
playing solitare, writing on occasion, and having conversations that make me and other people feel good when they pass me by in the street.
i want to be the village mama, that all the parents let there babies run up to, and throw their arms around.
i don't ever want a house
i don't ever want a job
or a career
i don't ever want to touch a piece of currency from any country
unless it's to make it in to some jewelry,
and i want to live with a few friends

in a shack an old guy gave us
where we'll grow our own food
and the only clothes we'd have
would be hand me overs
and we would pay people in food
or crafts, or art

i don't want to be a fucking hippie.
because i hate the idea of those.
i just want to live, and not feel empty.

i don't understand why i can't just be friends with someone i once had feelings for.
even if i still have them
i can ignore them, because they're just a part of my silly human nature.

my best friend once said something
and it was as if
she'd managed to say what i meant
every time i tried to analyze myself.
shes is a ridiculously brilliant girl and super beautiful.

she said
"i'm more or less just interested in the idea of a lot of things, but i don't really like anything"
and i thought it was one of the most accurate things i'd ever heard

i'm not interested in a damn thing.
just MY ideas of things

and things are never the way i imagine them to be.

by the way

that wasn't about who you think it was.
somebody from a LONG time ago was on my mind.

centuries ago, it seems.
someone i don't know anymore.

i'm so tired.

i saw the most beautiful girl in the word today.
it's the least i can't do to call her beautiful.
she was the most extraordinary thing i'd ever seen and i swear to god she might be an angel.
there was something in her face that was so...
i don't know.

she created a feeling. of loss. of hurt. of awe. of gaping enlightenment and my eyes felt like they were tipped in snowflakes,
framing her sun shine skin.
she had sun shine skin.
she was fair skinned but it looked like
the light on her
was always the sun.
always bright.
always vivid. SHE was so vivid.
she could take away a heart. she looks like she's stolen souls, and killed a million men, without ever lifting a finger.

i'm normally the jealous type,
but i find myself strangely ok with everything anymore.

this isn't the definant "idontgiveafuckwhatever!" not caring.
this is...
and understanding. and inability to let myself get drawn deep enough in to crevices
that i can't climb my way back out using the moss.

it's unsettling that i want him to be happy.
it's unsettling that i don't care if i ever end up with anybody.
isn't it supposed to hurt when you resolve to let someone go, for the sake of their happiness, even though, you want to be with them?
why doesn't it hurt?
why am i rooting for them?

a lot of people say they want to be different.
but the problem is
even if you are different
you'll never know
because norms don't exist.
if you refuse to be one way
you're with a group of others
that REFUSE to be one way.

you're a human being.
you can only be so different.
but you have the same kind of brain
with the same organs, and body, and instincts, and everything stems from the instinct to self sustain, wether you like it or not.



i know my abililty to feel jealous hasn't dissapeared.
because i'm jealous of someone else
who's cute
and interesting
but not like the girl i saw today.

how can i be jealous of cute and interesting, when i feel more impressed by beauty?
all i know is that i'm so glad
that i'm not jealous of the beautiful girl.
because it feels so much less dirty.
so much less selfish.
so much more... aware.
i like that nothing phases me anymore.
I like things not working out, and not having to WORK at not caring,
not having to push the upset away
I like things not working out, and genuinely not feeling hurt.
It's so wonderful.
It's so freeing.
I'm so happy.

i'm in such a foul mood.

its so awful.
i feel so angry, and so snippy,
and i hate Thursday's
because i hate those people
because nobody can understand what I'm saying.

know what they fucking say to me?
even if you do ONE thing that impacts someone positively
you have meaning.
know what i say?
"POSITIVE" things only exist
in the sense that
things that don't make life difficult for us/make it easier for us
are things we view as positive
and things that DO make life difficult for us/make it harder
are things we view as negative.

everybody says
but we have to have an idea of positive and negative, or good and bad
or else we'd die.

like it's a bad thing.
but fucking BAD only exists because of the creatures we happened to have been born as.
we only care about dying or living
because we were born
with human nature that drives us to self sustain.

not just live.
sustain.
exist in the easiest manner possible.
WHICH IS WHY PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES.
Because they don't know how to sustain because they can't be fucking happy.
And without happiness, you don't want to live.

Happiness is a byproduct of things not being difficult, and that's it.
If thing's aren't difficult to experience, they're enjoyable.

I don't fucking care about myself because I know the only reason I WOULD be giving a flying fuck about anything
would not be for any genuine reason
but it would be because i was born having no other option but too.
for self sustaining purposes.

i don't want to think i'm important or anyone is important, because there's no fucking way to KNOW.
All i have to determine an answer is my MIND which quite frankly, can only work in the way Human Brains work.
As compared to "what" brains? I DONT FUCKING KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
AND NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING
Because everything we think he know, we just made up

and every one excepts it
to a point
where
it's crazy
to sit back for a second and think
"maybe we're taking ourselves to seriousley"

Why WOULD we think that.
We were BUILT to think we're important.
BECAUSE WE'RE JUST LIKE A FUCKING VIRUS

We're sustaining.
Why do people think there has to be a reason for anything?
Why do people think there has to be a beginning.
Why do people think that anything they think means anything, or has any intellect, or understanding at all.
Why do we assume?
I'm not saying we should assume otherwise
but
but
but
FUCK

none of this even matters
because all of this
all of this garbage
came out of my head
and like i fucking said

WHO THE HELL KNOWS IF MY HUMAN LOGIC IS GOOD FOR ANALYZING OR COMING TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THINGS IN MY OWN LITTLER HUMAN REALM.

I MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW A DAMN THING.
YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW A DAMN THING.

BUT THE CERTAINTY IS KILLING ME

this was a bulletin i thought made a better blog

i like my cats so much.
its so nice to watch ghost hunters
because it makes me laugh hysterically

old people are my favorite.
they're so goddamn adorable.
but i hate those middle aged men and women
that show up on the news
half masturbating because they're on TV
and they CARE/ARE EXCITED about being on TV

so they're given a two second sound clip
saying
"he cum dan'a road, went up mant weshin'din, and here, he was in cerdiyak uhrest duh hole time, n'at"

i hate that.
but i like it.
but i hate it more.

fuck you.
fuck off. stupid asshole.
you think you're so cool
having sex with people and stuff
acting all apathetic
and trying to be different, but totally not trying, and being bitter about everything.

know what. i don't understand you at ll. but the truth is, i think you're the coolest mother fucker around
and i'm totally jealous of that chick with the butch name you've been spending so much time with lately.
she has gross teeth,
and i think you should talk to me like you used too, but you won't. like in 8th grade or something.
whatever man.
i only care because i want a distraction.
and you're my favorite distraction.
i wish i could think of something i could approve of.

double standard

if a boy sleeps around

hes just living.

no one has a problem with it.

if i decided i wanted to start doing so

i'd be a whore.

i don't like it.

i don't think its tough

to not talk about it.

people that do make me mad.

hey now, fella. watch your step there, big guy.

i feel like i haven't a decent conversation with anybody in

such.

a long.

time.

i don't believe in maturity.

i mean

who the fuck gets to decide what's proper

what's "grown up"

and what's not.

i hate people

that say things like "i'm mature"

or

"you're immature"

i don't ever want to date anybody ever again.

i just want to make out.

people are just a distraction for me.

a convenient way to stop thinking.

thats why i like them.

you're so lovely

sometimes, it hits me and makes me so incredibly filled with shame about how little I know.
How naive I am. How I act along with stupid things like "worries" and "fears" keeping my mouth shut about things, and over thinking things until someone else opens their mouth, and gets the credit. Nothing should be thought about. Thinking denotes importance. And importance is garbage.

I want to know things;
insights
and wisdom before anybody.

I don't like wanting that, but I do.
Insights are all trash though or all treasure depending on who you are
and what you let it mean relative to you.

I claim to understand the way i work, and I do.
A lot of it's been bred in to me; a lot of it is innate.
But there are vast minds out there that understand
and never get caught up with thinking about anything because they know their minds aren't honestly capable of determining if anything truly is important, let alone, knowing said truly important things. They can sense it's inconceivable amplitude.

Yet they grasp something too.
Something I don't know how to break away from.
They understand that they don't have to be so naive.
They don't have to look at things with or even know the idea of "importance".
They know and can feel every fucking unimaginable aspect of strange "phenomena" we would call it.
Things most people look at, and don't even notice.
This phenomena, we look at as real, or unreal all the while thinking we have the right to invent such a word, and to categorize anything around us under our silly little vocabulary.

How dare I ever allow myself to feel sorrow? What is jading me, and making me feel like there is a screen I can't see that if I could only grab a hold of and pull down, I could be filled, and burst with indescribable enlightenment of some sort.
And bliss.
Wordless understanding that would leave me crying in relief after all the years of straining to reach the sheet,
in agony at the unbearable weight of a human body
a human mind, and human instincts;
Existing in a different yet identical dimension, once blind, this time
filled with unintelligible awe.

Awe.
the word doesn't do it justice.
I would be in true form there.
I would have no emotions because I would cease to be me as "i" was enveloped in a wholeness, and an emptiness, and a quiet, comforting, glowing, sleepy existence.




Now you-- you're so much smarter than that and you shouldn't take any deep advice from such an egotistical fuck because you have more depth than it could ever dream of being able to so much as recognize. I think people shouldn't take things so seriously because like i said, no conclusions can be come too, and trusted;
even that one.
and that one.
And yes, all of them.

Realizations are bullshit.

Sometimes I think I don't like things, and I might not like things a lot, but the real reason is not due to the nature of things themselves, but the idea of significance again, and how steadfastly humans stick to it, and don't question it, or question themselves, or go past logic. I can't stand blind, stupid certainty. And the way everything gets taken advantage of . We complain because of things we think we know, and all of this, could mean nothing because all I have is my logical mind and its logical bounds.

Everybody wants to be different but nobody can.
We'ree all trees. We all have basrks, and leaves, and need soil and oxygen to grow in, and expand, and lose leaves.

But no tree grows in the exact same directions with identical roots, colors, leaves, bark, texture, or branches. We're all the same and certain things aren't optional, because its what makes us who we are.

Snowflakes are all snowflakes. All crystals, all frozen water, all come from the sky.
But no two are exactly alike, they say, because no one's head has been through the same experience from start to present. No one's had the same contunous flow of thoughts and no one ever will because no one else is you and you have a lot to do with your experiences, therefore thoughts, therefore life.

i'm sick

of pretty things
of sexual innuendos
of local kids that pretend to be apathetic
of every single song i've ever heard
of jokes and laughing
of you
of you
of opinions

of lack of opinions
of words
of expressing oneself
of being a human
of relativity
of anybody thinking anything is serious
of anybody thinking everything isn't serious
of stupid goddamn contradictions
of my stupid fucking cat

i'd smile
because i feel fine.
but i'm sick of smiling too.
i'm sick of being sick of anything.
who the fuck are you?