i feel like typing is a lot quicker than writing manually, even though i prefer writing manually.
i hope nobody reads this thing, except the people i'm ok with reading it.

the idea of maturity really just bothers me.
how can anyone know what goes on inside anyone else's head.
i mean, you can use the things people say and do and how they talk to try to get a gauge,
but thoughts, and words, and actions are can be entirely disconnected.

and who's to say what is mature and what isn't.
i've harped on this before, so i'm not going to do it again, it's just been on my mind quite a lot lately.

not terribly important, but present. I really like Jack Kerouac.
i always have this feeling of restlessness, and discomfort.
like i'm without something that i really can't be without and i never know what it is.
i just keep shaking my leg impatiently. feeling edgy. like i'm waiting to leave a party that somebody dragged me too. i want to go home.
and i want somebody i can cling too.
somebody i can base my life around, because i'm just a baby
and i want my nanny around all the time.

i'm going to become perfectly angelic in everything i do.
what i mean is, i'm not going to do anything that is in the slightest way "wrong".
i already don't do what i consider "wrong"
but i'm going to stop doing things my parents think are wrong, even though i'm not sure what will and won't be thought of in a negative light.
i think it'll make life easier on me, actually. i won't like it, but i've made things so difficult for myself by doing what i believe in, so i'm just going to lie down, and let the freight train roll over me. Until i leave.
which will be very soon.