listen up

it's so cute
the way you think of Lily's Purple Plastic Purse when you say that.
I hate to say it
because I hate you a whole lot
but i also like you
and want you to feel like you're the most wonderful thing it the world.
i just hate that you want that.
but you do. don't kid yourself, kid. you definately do.
you have some ego about you that isn't even natural,
and you can try to fight it off all you want
but you're only going to be fighting against yourself.
sometimes i wonder if anything you do is done because you like it
or because you're trying to be different or impressive or unique.
it seems that way
but it might just seem that way
because i'm afraid that's what it is.
you say you don't care about anyone's oppinion.
and you've told me it doesn't feel like you do.
but who are you really trying to convince, baby girl? the only things i really think you like
are dimples
and feeling like you're profound even though you know you never will be.
and you hate that you want to feel profound, but you do,
so you pretend.
all you ever want to do is lay around in a fantasy world all day
your eyes glazing over
at everything that just exists.
it's stupid, and no way to be fulfilled as a human being.
it's not an option, therefore, it should not be a craving.
and when i mean, it's not an option, i mean it's fucking not possible.
so just fucking stop it. just stop already, for christ's fucking sake, just fucking stop it.
i mean, why do you care so much?
you don't want to be played for the fool?
who cares; everyone else is too, in that case.
and the only reason you don't want too
is because you want to feel like thoughts can have meaning
it's because you WANT something profound, and you can't have it BECAUSE you're a human being
and you only WANT
because you ARE a human being.
and that isn't going to change.

so unless you start looking at things the way other people do
you're never going to get what you want

start believing things that have all the potential in the world to be bullshit
because that's the only way for you in particular to get what you want.


but i know you.
you won't do it.
because you don't want too
and you'd rather go crazy.
stubborn bull headed fuck.