my legs have taken on the consistency

of marshmallow bones, and jello skin.
my torso is as heavy as an elephants, who's body is coated in ashy gray wrinkles
and I discovered this morning that I can no longer walk.

the trumpeters say that my minerals can be excavated
that they're vibrant and present
that in theory, I'll survive.

but when electric buzzers tap at my temples
with the incessant relentlessness of the white noise from a television
whos cables have been bled on by a victim hanging outside of your house
i can't help but wonder when the power'll go out.
my clock reads zero and a half AM and my mom said in her wretched silence
that to care would be harder
than to throw me away in the trash disposal
so little blades can cut my body and my marshmallow bones
will turn soggy like the lucky charms
you were too lazy to throw away.

this is all a waste of time, and feeble attempts to comprehend the incomprehensible

dark matter, and electrons-- made of what?

the ice cream cones, or play pit balls
tied up on strings in cannonballs?
no wait, please, i'm trying to be proud of something.
give me a metal for wanting it the most.
give me a metal for being just like you.
give me a metal for writing like Holden Caulfield for a little on purpose
after i read the catcher in the rye.

but give one to everyone else too.
just make us feel fucking special somehow.
we're all babies. toddlers.
and every one of us has had a little new born brother born
to deteriorate the smell of cheerios and play dough
that was given
now it's taken.

if they think you exhale oxygen
you never have to stop and try to believe
that you're a savior on your own.

we are trained in to the need for validation.
just like dogs are trained to sit
and cats are trained to lay around.

i was thinking about it this morning. and i'd trade my opposable thumbs and toilet bowl
for a life of laying around.
i have no motivation.
i don't want to do anything.
i want to sleep and sit on my ass forever
and become fat and smelly
so i can live in the world i've created in my head.
i wish i was insane.