somebody turn me in to plastic please
so the seams on the sides of my body can be bitten off
by the teeth of little kids
who just began to grow their bones.

so my face can be pushed in
my hollow head
and body
ripped apart by your dog
who chews on your favorite possessions
as if to spite you
despite his own toys.

i'm so sad. i'm so sad. will somebody tell me why my nerves are so shot?
who shot them?
hey! why'd you shoot them! hey!
they did nothing to you!
but you shot them! how come?

and will somebody please tell me just what they did
to make me so afraid tonight?
to make me feel so panicked tonight?
and every single night of my fucking life?

why are my eyes shaking?
why can't i ever feel happy?
why am i so anxious?
why does it feel like im going to die and why do i really want that to happen?
is it really that hard?
am i that hard to please?

or is it just that im like a goddamn gold fish
my attention span gone in the space of 5 seconds

that must me it
that must be why
i'm only fulfilled by things that don't last very long
because whenever i was born
i didn't have the capacity to enjoy things for more than five seconds. so in turn everything i enjoy will only last that long.
what the fuck was i thinking?
what the fuck am i thinking?
what the fuck am i doing?
does saying fuck make me trashy?

im not trashy. im not trashy. i swear im not. i hope im not. oh god don't give me something else to want to change about myself.

am i really unahppy with who i am?
i am. i am. i can't be satisfied. but why?
do i just need something to drive for
since nothing else is important enough?

hey look there it is again!
if that's all true
then it means im selfish
and i can hate that too !

everything i think comes back to me
and there's shit all over my face from yesterday
because i couldn't ignore that unsettled feeling in my head
if i could just ignore myself
i daresay i wouldn't have to erupt like Mt. Saint Helens
or even worse
like yellowstone park
spewing bits of lava on to the walls for you to have to clean up later
face distored in utter disgust.


stop being sad girl. stop being sad girl. stop thinking girl. stop thinking girl. stop thinking girl.
just go insane. why can't you just please go insane.
your doing this to yourself.
you're doing all of this to yourself. and none of this makes sense.
and none of it means anything. because you don't mean anything. because anything is relative. so nobody really means anything. which means your words don't mean anything. and your feelings don't mean anything. and you should fucking throw yourself from a cliff.


NOTHING IS WRONG.
NOTHING IS WRONG.
NOTHING IS WRONG.
WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS WRONG?



SELF PITYING GIRL
who the hell do you think you are?
this is nothing
and no one cares but you and thats the way it should be
because this isn't anything special or new
and you're the only one that feeling
plus its just the way you want it.
and its just the way it should be.
why does repeating feel so nice?
juts try it.
just try it.
just try it. just try it. just try it.
and try it and try it and try it and try it andtry it and try it and try it.


I WOULDN'T EVER HURT MYSELF
BECAUSE I LOVE MY FAMILY WAY TOO MUCH.
is it terrible i wish they'd be mean to me
so i wouldn't have anybody to hurt?