A girl

next to us at the Gas Station
made me want to cry today.

i wanted to give her a hug
and tell her i know how hard is.

i don't smoke.
i don't like it personally.
but i know why she does.
and i know why she bought everything she bought.

and i hate myself for it
but i'm jealous of her
even though i know
she probably doesn't even think she's worthy of anyone's jealousy.

i'm not fucking crazy.
but it sucks that everybody thinks i am.

what sucks even more
is that this is why i hate my human nature.
if i could just exist using knowledge
instead of instinct
this would't be a problem for me.
it wouldn't be a problem for anybody



ah well.
who cares.
at least today was ok all in all.
i missed a beautiful boy though.
and i wish i'd gone to the arts festival like he did.